Hey man!
Kewl for your first (or second) 1! i know u put a hell of a lot of effort into this, so i hope it gets in.
Few pointers:
1. You need a pre-loader. If your up for making 1, thats fine, but you can download a good one from NG.
2. You used lines! so many people dont, and they look ... bad.
3. use the magnet tool to make your work look neater.